Charlas, Pena & Confianza

Useful vocabulary for the most out of one's daily/weekly dose of The New Chronicles: In Search of Something Other

una charla: a presentation
la pena: embarrassment or shyness
la confianza: trust or confidence

Peace Corps/El Salvador is BIG on their charlas. Along with the words confianza and pena, it has to be one of the most-often used words in the Spanish language at the training centre. Today was the big day for many of us, as we had to give a charla at the local school in our community - in Spanish, on topics ranging from HIV/AIDS to Self-Esteem. It is still unclear what the purpose of this activity is and how it will prepare us for the REAL life of a Peace Corps volunteer, but it was an activity that one was obligated to participate in, lest one be afflicted with ameobas or other gastro-intestinal parasites and was physically unable to share information with youngsters in a crowded, noisy, hot school.

Public speaking, to be frank, is my downfall. I don't like to be recognized for my individual acheivements, I don't care for being the centre of attention and I certainly don't like being singled out. My identity lies with the identity of a certain group. Many times I'm the most "different" person in the group, but I'm not individually recognized for my acheivements because it's an group effort. Having everyone's eyes on me waiting for me to fill their minds with priceless information, as if I possessed the words that would enlighten them, makes me very, very nervous. No matter how much I prepare for a presentation I get nervous and the filing cabinets in my mind begin to fly open and the documents archived in them begin to spontaneously combust, leaving me with nothing but a few random words to work with.

I was dreading this charla I had to do on "How to Plan My Life" to a class of 9th graders. I had little time to prepare for it, as yesterday I had to prepare for a workshop I'm participating in this weekend called Trainging of Trainers (ESL teachers) and an unexpected trip to the capital to take care of a medical situation that was threatening me with medical separation. This morning my mind was racing with ideas on what I could do to get out of having to give the presentation to a bunch of 9th grades who probably won't remember anything I said.

I had no choice. I had to do it. I went in there, sweating like an animal, my heart practically beating out of my chest and gave my presentation like the rock star I've never been.

I tried to act as animated as possible, while waving my arms about and sauntering around the class room like I knew all the answers, imitating the behaviour all of my previous teachers and professors have exhibited in their classes. In my head I kept repeating, "I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'll just pretend like I do". I exuded fear and nervousness masked with confidence. Apparently the arm waving and the sauntering (not to mention my non-accented Spanish) helped because I was able to keep everyone's attention all the way until the end.

I discovered something about myself today: I am capable of teaching or presenting information to others, if and only when I know what I'm talking about.